Так ли всё мрачно? Да, я знаю - я зависима от интернета. Три дня без сети - и у меня начинается ломка. Если нечем заняться, если нет книги, ничего хорошего не показывают по телевизору, плохая погода и нет настроения куда-то выбраться. Иначе ломка сводится к минимуму. Дайрики мне больше нужны на работе. Онлайн игры... это отдельная история.
Начала что-то суммировать в голове. Благодаря сети:
1) Я увлеклась фотографией и прошла курс фотошколы, способна более-менее трезво оценивать своё и чужое "фототворчество".
2) Я встретила человека, которого люблю совсем не виртуально
3) У меня появились новые друзья в реале
Из-за сети:
1) У меня неслабые проблемы со здоровьем (зрение, позвоночник, давление)
2) Я трачу много времени на пустяки
3) Я не занимаюсь спортом (всё-таки из-за сети и предыдущего пункта)
Продолжать можно долго.
Но в общем и целом я - не живу в виртуале. Да, в виртуале я больше уверенна в себе и более оптимистична. Но и по жизни у меня всё просто замечательно и в ближайшее время собирается быть только лучше. Только ною я побольше А сеть - не цель, а средство.
"Я люблю вас, юзеры. Люблю несмотря на забытые пароли, несмотря на то, что вы, любимые мои идиоты, не зная основ бухгалтерии все свои ошибки валите на нашу систему, люблю даже того идиота, который умудрился... ладно, неважно, но умудрился так, что мало не покажется, особенно люблю всех, кто заполняет отчёты о соц.налоге и пламенно - тех, кто декларирует НДС. Ещё мне просто офигенно нравится каждому новому пользователю проводить телефонный ликбез по использованию основных функций системы и объяснять, что, если у него баланс не совпадат, то всё, что я могу сделать - только посочувствовать. И я конечно же не сорвусь и не наору на следующего, кто позвонит и скажет: знаете, я не могу попасть в систему. Я не буду ему жаловаться, что у нас сегодня пятница, 13-е и эпидемия забытых паролев. Я знаю, что вам всё важно, срочно и нужно ещё вчера. В общем, люблю я вас, юзерыыыы!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Задача: поставить у себя дома Apache, PHP, MySQL. Под Windows XP...
По вечерам прихожу домой в состоянии аута, дело не движется с места. Туплю на не совсем понятные сообщения об ощибках, торможу, глядя в монитор, начинаю засыпать за клавиатурой... Раньше бы не вылезла из-за компа, пока не справилась бы. А сейчас уже второй день уползаю спать.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first ten words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.' (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.. . You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
7. I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Margaret ' instead of 'Steve'.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks her, from the shower, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road.
He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun looked at him and immediately said: "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand.
Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said: "Father, Psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.
Upon his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not?"
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch
Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
"Ja cilveeki tevi miil, vini tavu vaardu izrunaa citaadaak. Un tu tad zini, jo no vinu mutes tavs vaards skan smuki."
Bernards 4g.v.
"Miilestiiba ir tas, kas ir ar tevi istabaa, kad tu uz mirkli paartrauc izsainot Ziemassveetku daavanas un ieklausies."
Roberts 5g.
читать дальше"Miilestiiba ir kaa maza veca sievina un mazs vecs viirins, kas veel arvien ir draugi, lai gan viens otru tik labi jau paziist."
Tomass 6g.
"Kad tu kaadu miili, tu mirkshkini savas skropstas un no tevis lido daudz mazu zvaigzniishu."
Karina 7g.
"Miilestiiba ir , kad mamma redz teeti tualetee un nesaka, ka tas ir riebiigi."
Marks 6g.
"Kad manai vecmammai piemetaas artriits un vina nevareeja vairs noliekties uz prieksu, lai nolakotu sev kaaju nagus, no taa briiza vinai tos vienmeer lakoja vecpaps. Arii peec tam, kad vinam pasam rokaas iemetaas artriits. Taa ir miilestiiba."
Rebeka 8g.
"Miilestiiba ir, kad meitene sasmarzinaas ar smarzaam un zeens ar odekolonu un tad vini iet satikties, un viens otru aposta."
Karlis 5g.
"Milestiba ir, kad tu kaadam atdod lielaako dalu savus kartupelus frii un vinam par to nekas nav tev jaadod pretii."
Kristine 6g.
"Miilestiiba liek pasmaidiit arii tad, kad esi piekusis."
Tedis 4g.
"Miilestiiba ir, kad mammite vaarot teetiitim kafiju pati vispirms druscin pagarsho, vai laba sanaakusi."
Dana 7g.
"Ja tu gribi vairaak iemaaciities par miilestiibu, saac no sava drauga, kurs tev jau ir."
Nikola 6g.
"Miilestiiba ir, kad tu pasaki puikam, a tev patiik vina t-krekls un vins peec tam to neesaa katru dienu."
Noele 7g.
"Miilestiiba ir, kad mamma teetim iedod vislabaako vistas gabalinu."
Elena 5g.
"Miilestiiba ir, kad suniits tev nolaiza visu seju arii peec tam, kad visu dienu bijis atstaats maajaas viens pats."
Anna 4g.
"Tev nevajadzeetu teikt "Es tevi miilu", ja patiesiibaa tu nemiili, bet ja miili, tad tev to jaasaka peec iespeejas biezhaak, jo cilveeki aizmirst."
Dzesika 8g.
Izvilkumi no izpeetes par teemu ko domaa par lauliibu 10 gadus veci un jaunaaki beerni. (Vacija)
Pats tu neizveelies ko preceesi, to nosaka Dievs jau ieprieksh, un tad Tu vareesi redzeet ko vinsh Tev buus uzkaaris kaklaa..
Kirsten, 10 gadi
(kaut kas tur ir)
Kaads ir labaakais vecums preciibaam?
Labaakais vecums ir 23 gadi, jo tad tu savu viiru paziisti vismaz 10 gadus.
Camille, 10 gadi
Nav nekada labaakaa vecuma, vienkaarshi ir jaabuut stulbam, lai gribeetos preceeties.
Freddie, 6 gadi
(laikam slikta pieredze...)
Kas taviem vecaakiem ir kopiigs?
Vini vairaak negrib beernus.
Aure, 8 gadi
(hahaha)
Ko cilveeki dara randina laikaa?
Randini ir lai cilveeki vareetu amizeeties un viniem shii iespeeja ir jaaizmanto, lai viens otru labaak iepaziitu. Arii puishi var pateikt kaut ko interesantu, ja vinos ilgi klausaas.
Linette, 8 gadi
(No kurienes tas naak? No mammas!)
Pirmajaa randinaa viens otram saka interesantus melus, un taapeec vini ir gatavi atkaartoti tikties.
Martin, 10 gadi
Ko tu dariitu, ja pirmais randinsh neizdotos?
Es ietu mąjaas un izliktos par mirushu. Un tad es pazvaniitu uz laikrakstu un liktu ievietot zinu par savu mirshanu.
Craig, 9 gadi
(es arii taa dariitu!)
Kad driikst kaadu skuupstiit??
Ja vini ir bagaati viirieshi.
Pamela, 7 gadi
(blonda?)
Ja tu kaadu sievieti skuupsti, tev vina ir jaaprec un jaagaadaa beerni.Taa vinjsh ir.
Henri, 8 gadi
(Jaa, diemzheel, Henri)
Kas ir labaak buut preceetam vai nepreceetam?
Es nezinu kas ir labaak, bet es nemiileetos ar nevienu sievieti. Es negribu, ka vinas paliek resnas.
Théodore, 8 gadi
Meiteneem labaak ir palikt nepreceetaam, bet puishiem vajag kaadu, kas uztureetu tiiriibu....
Anita, 9 gadi
(Klases vecaakaa)
un tagad tas labaakais !!!....
Kas jaadara lai lauliiba buutu izdevusies?
Sievietei jaasaka, ka vina ir skaista, pat tad, ja vina izskataas peec kravas mashiinas.